VarigaL on the World Wide Valai

Vellikizhamaii Vanakkangal

(Sonna maari release pannrom, engala yaralayum ban panna mudiyathu!)

Like we said, Internetku thaan mudhal mariyaadhai inu decide pannom. So, here goes.

Engalukku oru unmai therinjaaganum - Apdi ennanga this internet business?

Vara vara makkal over ah internet use panraanga. Soru venumna internet, saraku adikanumna internet, suthi valichi pesanumna internet, sight adikanumna internet, solti adikkanumna internet, solti solti adikkira Vijaykanth paakanumna kuda internet.. yen.. Indian latrine use panna therila na, our dear Mr. Wilbur Sargunaraj has made provision for that also on the very holy (you guessed it) internet. But like most new things that come our way, modha-modhalla use pannadhu, kaadhulukku thaan.

Love being the eternal, evergreen, untiring, overdone, kaanjipoi kuppaiya kadakara trope that it is, its always the first interest of any device; internet, computer, cellphone. You see, they say, love is blind, love transcends language and what not. Which might be true. Kaadhal-ku unakku kannu theriyaama irukkulaam, mozhi theriyaama irukkalaam, aana edho oru oorla irukkura theriyaadhu oru ponnu-ku kuda friend request epdi anupanumnu nallave therinji-irukku. (Yes, you FB stalkers. You.) But basically, what we're trying to say is, this internet has become the current medium of choice for the Forever Alone Club, Bro-Zone and Friend-Zone vaasigal. 

And that's where the genius of Vaali lay(the great man to whom we dedicate this post to, btw).

See what I did there!

Avaru 1999 liye predict pantaaru - that internet shall be the new kutti severu. (In fact, Vaali has so many predictions proven right, we feel that he should replace Mr. Ramanan as the face of the Chennai Meteorological dept). Yes, that's right. One of the first significant mentions of the interweb in Tamil lyrics - Oh Maria oh Maria in Kadhalar Dhinam, where he openly declares - "Computer-il kaadhal seyyum kaalam ini". 

Now, if you don't remember the song lyrics, we'll forgive you, you probably weren't able to take your eyes off of this -

But if you hadn't been looking at Rambha's thunder thighs, you'd know what we're talking about - 

"Kadal-ukku fishing net-u, kaadhal-ukku internet-u" nu surukkama kaadhal kurippu kuduthaaru namma kavignar. Which basically is the essence of the song. Yes yes, asking fruit cherries to send him email love letters might get you doubting whether he was hungry or horny, but we assure you, after much research, that it was online dating he was heralding. And not just advice, avaru motivation kuda kuduthaaru - "Manasa vittu, mouse-ah thattu, mattidum padhinettu". 

Seri adha vidunga. Pureera bashai-liye solrom -"Kattazhagukku oru pattiyal katti kaatudhu internet-u"

Adhaiyum soltaaru. Ippayavadhu othukonga ya, Vaali basically won all rights to V.K Ramasaamy's dialogue-

And this started a line of songs - DiamondPearl (Vairamuthu avargal) uncle took Vaali's cue. Two years later, in 2001, for Majnu, he penned - "internet-u season ada, adhil kaadhal solvadhu fashion ada" The same year, in Dheena, Vaali took this to a whole new level - "Kaadhal website ondru, kandeyn kandeyn naanum" (Idhukku thaan over ah yosika kudaadhu, first he saw kaadhal website,then got confused because of kaadhal virus in the next line). But whatever he was on was irrelevant, he got the trend started. 2002 saw Kaadhal Virus, with its title song going -" Kaadhal Virus unnai thaakiyadha?" Now, before you say they were talking about biological virus, we urge you to look at Abbas in the song and decide for yourself. This mellow campaign for the internet kept going on all the way up till, well, Simbu discovered the internet in 2011.

Avaru endha aththai endha thaththai-ah pethangalo nu theriyaama, Vaanam-la veri oda paadnaaru- "Yeven di unna pethaan". Yes yes. Unable to get answers, he followed the popular method of looking things up on the internet. Revelations happened - "En Facebook status-um nee thaan, en twitter tweet-um nee thaan, en skype call-um nee thaan" nu romba feelings ah paadnaaru. And seeing this hopeful response his colleague got, namma iLayathalapathi, in Thuppakki, also decided - "Google google panni paartheyn ulagathila  ivapola inga innoruthi poranthithillai" nu. Paavam, he couldn't find anyone else, so he got stuck with Kajal Agarwal. His only solace being she got stuck with him also. And they decided to occupy the internet till kingdom come - twitter, facebook, ebay, youtube idhu adhu nu, enga ponaalum avanga thollai -nu soltaanga. 

Avangaloda thollai-ku alternative option offer panrathukku thaan, indha paatu pathi ellaam ezhuthulaamnu naanga decide pannom. Appo than oru sudden kooval "Yov tea ku kasu enga" innu nair katha, naanga intha dial-up to dongle discussion ah nirithitu, othai adi paadhai-la escape aittom!

Ippodhiki, that's all folks! Adutha friday meendum varuvom, puthu topic, aana athey usi pona vadai and aari pona coffee!


- Jam Bazaar Jaggu & Sornaakka