Tamil TMZ Part II - Here come the ladies

The Updates:
Location: While Jaggu sits at his new home in the Anna Nagar, Sornakka has been flung to the dark corners of Trump-land This place is so obscure, inga 'nair' na yaaru; malayalam na enna nu kekuraanga pa. Pakathu tea-kada ponaa anga vellakaaringa are ordering "Tall iced chai-tea-latte with a shot of espresso." Keta, it's called a dirty chai-tea aama. Pongadaa...!

Twitter handles: Sornaakka has now shifted from being solitary noise to @GypsterDoofus.
Twitter handles : jaggu is now @Umashan84063084
Mindset: Adhey mokka dhaan.

Ippo matter ku varlaam.

In earlier posts, we had promised sequel for male celebrity mentions. Inikki, namma Stella and QMC figure-oda full aana 8.30am 29c maari, "magalir mattum" blogpost - The TMZ part II - Idhu figure-u figure-u dhaan, super figure-u dhaan.

Figures covered: Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, Marylin Monroe, Jeniffer Lopez, Eve, Mona Lisa, Juliet and many more, should be worth the wait

Kodambakkam Dead Poet's Society

Vanakkam makkaLe.

We are back to business after long break again. Enga constituency-la slight prachana happened. By the time we dealt with that... Adhu ennaachu na, the goats decided to go on strike because they felt they were being fed underrated grass. To quote - "<pointing to Jaggu and Sorna> avanga meyara pul edho vidhyaasama irukku. Engalukkum venum. Andha grass-oda sandhosham should be accessible to goats, as well." So we were forced to make decision between no aatu-kal soup or sharing with the goats our own stock. (Major buzzkill of a problem, literally).

An Indignant Billy

Aana, adha epdiyo resolve pannitu, here were are, the terrible two, with a new topic - kavignargaL. Adhu enna na, our poets are very post-modern, you see. Bayangaramaana inter-textuality happening; they feel the need to borrow from other poets. Or at least name the other poets. So we thought we'd point out some instances where we've brought in other great poets.

Ippo, going back to one of our favourites, in Kadhal Website Ondru, from Dheena, Ajith vekkeme-illama, Laila-va paathu, "Nee oru Sunflower, kavidhaiyil undhan azhaginai paada, naan oru Shakespeare.." nu paadraaru. Sornaakka was quite offended at the thought of thala calling himself Shakespeare. <She was heard to have said, "Not that I love thala less, but I love Shakespeare more">

Turned out her anger was justified by Ajith's so very articulate lyrics later on, that ran.. " Tonntadoiin, tontaodoiin. Tontadoiin, tontadoiin"
<"wah wah besh besh" sounds in the background. Courtesy : the goats on our grass>

You see, the British influence doesn't seem to have left us. We still thought Shakespeare and his English comrades were fantastic poets. Take for instance, couple of years earlier in Jeans, with DiamondPearl uncle's penmanship. In the song "Hai re hai re Hairabba", the enchanted couple sing, "Nam kaadhalai kavipaadave, Shelley-in Byron-in kallarai thookaththai kalaithiduvom". I think we can all agree that these two Romantic poets would have only pulled the bedsheet higher and slept deeper at being requested to do so. However, it turned out to be unnecessary because Vairamuthu-avargaL did a good enough job of it himself.

However, we do pay respects to our own poets. In some of the most beautiful lines written for Tamil films, we sing, "Un pudavai mundhaanai saayndhadhil indha bhoomi poopoothadhe/ Idhu Kamban paadaadha sindhanai, undhan kaadhoda yaaru sonnadhu?" Which is the same question we'd love to ask Vairamuthu sir - Kamban-kuda paadaadha sindhanai idhu, epdi sir, ivlo azhaga eluthureenga?

A Diplomatic Khayyam in an
interview about Gowri Munjal (Left) 

"Omar who?"

If not Kambar, his medieval contemporary, then. We seem to have some fondness in our hearts for the Persians, you see. Vaali wrote for Thottaal Poo Malarum, " Urdu kavignan, Omar Khayyam-in kavidhaiya nee?". Whether the heroine was actually worthy of the praise, we shall not judge. But we do understand that Vaali sir was in awe of his lineage. Avaru eppovume ippadi thaanga ahead of his times but also aware of all possible times, oru Tamil Cinema oda Dr.Who.


That's when the tables turn. When Little (supers)T(a)R sings oh-so-earnestly in Vallavan - "Vaali-pola paathu ezhudha dhaan enakku theriyalaye..". Avlo theridhu-la? Why are you still writing? Oru orama okkaandhu, let the experts write no? Yen ipdi ungalaiyum tortute panni, engalayum torture panreenga?

Enna intha post la Nair ah kaanum innu pakareengala, Nair basically
ooruku poitaru, so we were left without a tea kadai, that's why andha soup-grass-goat-not-so-high conundrum happened! Puriyale.... Naan Kadavul Arya mathiri naangalum oru dialogue vittom "Mujhe G***a Chahiye!, G***a kahan hain??"

Hello Dubai Ah??

Due apologies, makkale. Due to the cyclone and some consequent technical difficulties, we weren't able to upload this last week. Mostly because theivayaana video engalukku kedaikkavillai. However, indha vaaram, two weeksku sethu sirippai varaveippom endru nambikkaiyudan...

To keep up with current affairs, we have decided that this week's post shall be about, well..
What's four to six inches long and always being grabbed for by a man when he's talking to a pretty girl?
Purila?

Before we're banned for inappropriate content, naangale solrom - the cellphone (the kaipesi)

The 5C route (Taramani to Broadway)

For those are blissfully unaware of what we're talking about, this post is dedicated to (also the bus route from Taramani to Broadway - the 5C. Vengayam vilai yerudho illayo, cellphone vilai mattum koraiyudhunga. (Jaggu still complaining about cigarette prices, is however stoo broke to buy himself new phone)

And so we celebrate the coming of Manisha Koirala. Why Manisha Koirala? Kamal Hassan dhaane madam ah paathu "Sona Sona, nee latest cellular phone ah?" apdinu paadaanru. And that was in 1996. And since then (the pre-Nokia 1100 era) we've been crazy about cell phones. All the way up to the Manisha Koirala a.k.a the iPhone 5c. Basically, cellphone ah vechi seiyaadha kaadhalum illa, comparison-um illa.

What iphone shows as 5C route,
 please find treasure at point X on the way

To take you back to what we stated two posts ago, edhaiyum modha-modhalla use panradhu kaadhalukku dhaan. And so it is the case with cellphones and their bayangramana comparison with relationships. Adhu epdinga? Aadhavan-la (2006) Nayanthara va paathu "nee sirithaal iPhone tring tring" nu ezhudhunaaru? We believe that Pa. Vijay probably asked Nayanthara for directions and found them as bad as iPhone maps that he used the comparison.

But of course, the first memorable use (where the brand was the title of the song itself) was our very own Anniyan's "Kannum Kannum Nokia". We still don't understand what was trying to be achieved by the reference. Although we do think DiamondPearl uncle probably looked around and saw - Nokia phone, Cappuccino, Thermocol sculpture, "apple laptop" - and put them all in the song. (However, the mentions of mafia and atom bombs do beg to contest our theory)

An artist's imaginary perception of Anonymous - after
the many cellular-love-failures

Ithuku Nadula Rendu(2006) innu oru padam release aachu. Adhula Madhavan-um Anushka-vum romba sexy-ah oru song-la adunaanga. Apdinnu naanga sollala, Wiki solluthu. Now that song, written by Anonymous (anonymous because Wiki does not know), was probably one written out of much cellular-love failure experience. Take for instance, (the attempt) - "Mobile ah mobile ah naan enna postpaid an prepaid ah sollu" (yaara eppadi vikkaraaru-nu engalukku innum theriyala). Adutha line (the dreams of success) "Nenjukule kekeuthey nam kathal ringtone ai". And finally, the kadasi line of para - "Subscriber cannot be reached at the moment" - what us Call taxi users now know as "the before number you have dialed is busy..." . Avaru evlo vaati try panniyum, andha figure-ku signal kedaikala pola.

But the crowning pinnacle of all cellphone references - brace yourselves, yen endral, now your mind will be blown out of your head.
<Drum roll>
Inthia blog-ulagil muthal murayaga sila varudangalukku mun velipatta T.Rajendar nadicha padam VEERASAMY-il (2006) oru paadal ulladhu. Ithu youtube-il kuda kedaikaadhadhu, ketu maguzhangal -

 To give change of pace from the usual Yammadi Aathadi style, in this song, the son sings and the father dances. (You suddenly prefer it the other way around, don't you?) However, instead of trying to decipher the song and make funny connections for you, we believe the man (and his son) can speak (and apparently sing and dance) for themselves.

Aana indha paadalukku engalaala video thara mudiyala. But, for those not-so-blissfully ignorant people who have not seen our man's antics,  kavala padatheenga. Ungaluku Thiru. T.R eppadi ellam aaduvaaru-nu kaatrathukaagave -

Click on me to, well, die laughing.

Well, makkaLe because of the cyclonic weather, and absence of enough maamul-collection, we have only this much to offer you. There are many more in the pipeline. But as we mentioned before, engaLoda oosi pona vadaiyum aari pona coffe-um illa na, brain no working. So please, co-operate with with collection. 

Credits:

Kadhai           T.Rajendar

Thiraikadhai    T.Rajendar

Iyakkam         T.Rajendar

Vasanam         T.Rajendar

Paadalgal         T.Rajendar

Isai                   T.Rajendar

Olipadhivu        T.Rajendar

Oh, and before we go, a word from our sponsors -

"Neenga oru vaati vaanginaal, 1100 vaati keezha podalaam!"

Endrendrum pasi-udan,

Jaggu & Sornaakka

Tamil TMZ: Part 1 (Where the sequels just get better, we assure you)

<Disclaimer: The references are not exhaustive (although, exhausting), in spite of the narrow scope we've brought it down to for this post. A number of references haven't been mentioned, which will brought in later>


Vannakkam nail-biting interest udan kaathu kondu irukkum makkaLe,
Indha vaati naanga enna kekapogirom endral, ippo vara paadalgaL-liyum seri, idhukku munnaadi vandha paadalgaL-liyum seri, eppo paarthaalum engeyo irukkura "celebrities" vechi puriyaadha oru connection kudukareengale, idharkku enna kaaranamnu solla mudiyuma? 

(This is  only the beginning, dayavaseidhu post ah Vijay Anthony voice-la padikkaadhinga. Only in Major T Soundarrajan voice - the bilingual God)

Not just ullooru makkaL, foreign location-lindhu kuda naraya vellakaara pasangala, pathi pesirukkom. Sure, the grass is greener on the other side, but adhanaala ipdiya connection panradhu? Ithuku namma TNEB eh parva illaye pa.

Nesapakkathlindu NASA veraikkum ellaraiyum kooptuvechi kalaichi irukom. Basically, our kavignars have very high knowledge of current affairs and international politics, you see. How else would you explain DiamondPearl uncle’s writing “Vaajpaiye varatum paatu ezhudha, Bill Clinton-ah kupidu isai amaika, andha Saddam Hussein paadal padatum”? (Majnu, 2001) What we believe he was trying to say is that, eppidi ivanga moonu peruku nadula peace treaty mudiyaadho, adhey maari Prashanth-kum andha super figure-ukkum, yaaru mama velai paarthaalum, oru paruppu um vegaadhu. But then again, that’s our speculation. (We are currently awaiting his opinion on the Syria situation)

Pongal and Deepavali pattimandram specialist. Rumors
say he will make an appearance on Jay Leno soon!
<JamBazaarJaggu put mai on vethalai and saw>

What these lyrics began to prove though, was that we have a severe obsession with Bill Clinton. Ella SunTv pattimandrathla eppdi Raja irukkanumo,adhey maari ella paatu-liyum Bill Clinton iruppaaru. Not just presence, we researched deeply into his life. Ippo, Laila in Dheena sings "Ennai saxophone pol kayil yendhi Bill Clinton pola vaasi”. After extensive research (sponsored by mallu co-habitors of the Nair kada) we understood that Clinton was a Jazz enthusiast, sax in particular 
- Something even Wikipedia didn't know in 2001. So, yes, we had a thing for Clinton. 

Oops, I did it again!

To give you further proof, we give you Sushmitha Sen’s declaration in Ratchagan in 1997 – “Bill Clinton-in White Housekooda naangaL sendraalae, 'azhagae vaa' ena koorum". Now, remember how we inched towards declaring Vaali to be the Nostradamus of Tamil paatu varigaL? This was, we believe, Vaali talking about Clinton's weakness for women, thus anticipating the Lewinsky scandal of 1998. (Your face is screwed into its WTF expression, isn’t it?)

Making white kurtas and walks
in parks sexy since 1980

Aamanga, ipdi thaan andha naatu president pathi ellaam paadinom. If not president, andha ooru actors, actresses, singers, painters... ellaarum pathi paadnom. Ippo, take Shriya; Thalaivar ah ellaaraiyum vechi ennama compare pannaanga. Sivaji-la thalaivar ah, “"Roger Moore poley dishyum" "Eddy Murphy poley naughty”, “James Bond polseiyum spy thaan”, “Cuba pola oru theeva, ponnu nikkuthey...Castro pola indha maestro sontham kollava? Killava?” ipdi apdi nu, namma superstar nooru peruku samama soltaanga. (Please to the note, Vairamuthu avargal ingayum current affairs knowledge bayangrama use pannirukaaru)


Indha maari artistes illaati, panakaaranga pathi pesuvom. Maribadiyum Laila, “IvaL kanni illa oru kannini endru Bill Gates ai pola nesi” apdinu paaditaanga. (same song) 

An artists depiction of thought process in Pa.Vijay's head

For your "literature" fans, not to disappoint, we've brought in Dan Brown references too. Remember that Pokkiri (2007) song you couldn't stand in spite of Mumait Khan's skin-showing? 
(You might hear "apple", "Ooty", "sweater" in your repressed memories now) Anga avanga enna sonnaanga? "pudhu Da Vinci Code-u da, idhu sarchaiyaana maedu da, nee right solli wrong route-il poda" which gets us wondering if Pa. Vijay had read Dan Brown at all.

And if we’re not talking about Amereeka, we’re talking about the other end. While Vaali and Vairamuthu were interested in all the Bills (and their money bills), namma Vijay Antony avargaL, Dishyum-la, katchi maari, Jeeva-kum Sandhya-kum kalyanatha pathi, “Bin Laden enna solraan paaru” nu keka sonnaaru. (We are still trying to figure out the lyrics of the song, hidden under various levels of encryption. Dailamo dailamo is the name we're using. Somebody please put lyrics no??)

 And these are just the contemporary references. 

Left: President Nixon accepting defeat at the feat
K.T.Kunjumon the producer of the movie Ratchagan has achieved
Right : A jubilant K.T.Kunjumon dressed in the
astronaut uniform he designed 

 If you want to test history, we shall go back to, you guessed it, Vaali-ji. Avaru enna psychedlic ulagathla irundhaaro, Nagma-va paathu "Picasso oviyam thaan, puriyaamal ennudan Texas-il aadivandadhu" nu Kadhalan-la ezhudhunaaru. Not that DiamondPearl uncle was any less competent in his history knowledge. Adhey Ratchagan-la NASA-va asingapadithitaaru. To quote Nagarjuna : "Chandiranai thottadha yaar? Armstrong ah? Sathiyam thottadhu yaar? Naandhaane" apdinu, history-ah rewrite pantaaru. (What a post-modernism, ya) Basically, movie budget was higher than what it cost America to send Armstrong to the moon. Adha surukkkuma soltaaru.


And don't even get us started on the Michaels - George, Jackson, Jordan, Angelo, ellaarum oru attendance pottu poittaanga. Phelps mattum thaan baaki. (Although we feel he might be hidden inside the dubious Dailamo lyrics.) We realize we've not mentioned our vellakaara Gymbody Mr. Arnold (Yaaru da Schwarznegger?). Avaroda references sakkara-dabbala erumbu mathiri - kotti kedaku, Enga enga vandhirukaar-nu naanga compile panni mudichi, medhuva solli veikirom. 

JamBazaarJaggu animated : Ayyo!!! Ippadi mukiyamana
vishayatha miss pannitene
Idhuku thaan cigarette pudichaa ethuvume erathu innu
solrangalo??

Ennanga-ya pasangala pathiye pesureenga; where are the figures? Apdinu neenga keppeenga. Engalakku theriyum. Kavala padaadathey sagothara, all the azhagigaL vechi, naanga oru thani post-ah podrom. (You always need patience with girls. And stamina helps, too.) <To be noted - This was hitherto unknown knowledge to Jaggu, who, at this point in time, was busy complaining about the hike in cigarette prices>

However, cigarette price hike-naala, oosi pona vada, aari pona coffee-ku kuda kaasu illaama, Taramani bus stand-la ninnu, orey beedi-lindhu rendu perum izhuthuttu irukkom. Idhu ungalakke nalla irukka....? Enna solla varomna, if you want to encourage us, do buy us our oosi pona vada and aari pona coffee. Capey Kaapy Dei aunn (Vijaykanth style, you see) ponumnu avasiyame illa. Enga Nair kadai-ke vaanga. (Nair has promised us free vadai an kaapi even if we just bring more customers, so pliss.)

With sincerest hunger pangs,
JamBazaar Jaggu and (Sowcarpetta enthusiast) Sornaakka

P.S. (Porathuku munnadi Solrathu) : Adutha varam vellikizhamai oda topic <Machi, nee solleyn>